Third &Fourth Pillar of Self Worth

Purposeful life

Another pillar of self-worth is goal-oriented life. This means setting a goal and achieving this by actively using your own abilities. Few people speak openly about their abilities; modesty is more popular. As a result, we see things that we can do well as less valuable. Only what is difficult has weight. But that greatly lowers self-esteem. If, on the other hand, we know about our skills and appreciate them, we can achieve our goals more easily and strengthen our self-worth.

The Basic Direction of the Goals:

Every goal is motivated. And in the word motivation, the Latin sounds "movere," meaning "to move." Accordingly, goals move in two basic directions.

- "Away from" - This is the avoidance goal since this is mostly about avoiding pain.

- "Towards" - This is the approximation goal, which is about winning joy.

It is important for a goal-oriented life that there is an approximation goal for an avoidance goal. For example, don't tell a taxi driver: "Drive off, but not to the train station, please!" For a good self-motivation, a "way from" is just as important as a "way to".

Longing goal and second-best solution

It is also part of a goal-oriented life not to achieve your desired goal. As a rule, we rarely achieve longing goals. They are like a dream that is often out of reach. Resilient handling of your goals is the acceptance of the second-best solution. These are then within reach and strengthen self-worth when they are reached.

The combination of the two makes it up. Let ourself be drawn to your longing goal and enjoy the second-best solution.

Fourth Pillar

Self-Acceptance

How do you shape your relationship with yourself? This includes dealing with yourself, your own successes and failures, and behavior in general. Self-acceptance and self-acceptance are important pillars of self-worth.

A Man's Sides

The relationship with yourself works like relationships with other people. Anyone who says, "I am tough on myself" or "I am not good on myself" speaks from two different sides—namely, one that deals with and one that is dealt with. Often a stronger side deals with a weaker side.

We are, of course, only human, but we can differentiate in our different sides. This is because we sometimes have or show different feelings or behaviors at the same time. We are several internal and can usually name these pages well.

What are these pages exactly? It is patterns of experience, thought, and reaction that we have stored in the episodic memory. We, therefore, not only have an inner child but an entire inner kindergarten of ourselves. It is also the roles that we play in social interactions. Every adult is also a son or daughter and possibly a mother or father, in addition to the roles in professional life.

Self-acceptance

So it's about how I deal with myself and my pages. Self-acceptance refers to the emotional level. The following questions are available for reflection:

What emotions do I generally respond to?

Am I angry with myself?

Am I afraid of one side or the other of me?

Do I despise one of my pages?

Am I in front of one of my pages?

Self-acceptance

The acceptance then takes place on a cognitive level. That does not mean that every behavior on our website is great. It is about accepting what has just happened or has already happened. In particular, we do not understand past behavior or did not want it to. However, we cannot change it, and acceptance takes away the stress.

Questions for this are:

How did I manage to do the unwanted behavior?

How did I manage to think or speak like this?

How do I think if I feel it in a certain way?

How do I get more self-acceptance?

Three strategies are helpful in achieving more self-acceptance. The first strategy is to appreciate the positive intent of every behavior. There is often a mismatch between what we are doing and what we actually want to do. A classic example is a sport. Actually, I just wanted to go jogging, but I'm only lying on the sofa. A typical reaction is to devalue yourself or to blame the alleged bastard. Using the side model, it is one thing between a sporty side, and instead of a pig dog, the other side can be described as the guardian of regeneration.

The second strategy is to talk about dilemmas. We often have more than one opinion on a subject and sometimes conflicting views. This can lead to stress. You know the picture when little angels and little devils argue on the shoulder. If we allow only one side to speak, we feel incongruity and, at the same time, lack authenticity. When we hear and express all sides, this relieves stress and strengthens self-acceptance.

The third strategy is a very practical method. Namely cranking. It is a technique in which internal contradictions are integrated and de-emotionalized. The phrase

“Even if I value and respect myself as I am" unites contradictions. The brain cannot maintain this contradiction, and so self-acceptance is strengthened. Alternatively, you can also say, "I love and accept myself as I am".