Second Pillar of Self- Worth

Independent Life

This pillar is about the subjective feeling of being responsible for your own life. Due to external influences such as weather, politics, and many other unpredictable factors, full control of life remains a dream. But there are things we can do ourselves. In order to increase resilience and self-esteem, it helps to be aware of your own responsibility.

Guilt and responsibility

It is part of independent life to deal with guilt. The feeling of guilt is not nice and is also associated with a certain compulsion. Because guilt requires compensation, you know that when you owe someone money, it's one thing. But if you are to blame for breaking a loved one, guilt feels very different. This is because we do not determine the compensation value ourselves. This also means that we are limited in our freedom.

A good way to deal with guilt is to take responsibility. Guilt is passive and related to the past, but responsibility requires active action and is future-oriented. Taking responsibility can sometimes be easier and sometimes more difficult. And it is not healthy to take on every responsibility that is brought to you. Personal responsibility means not taking on any responsibility, just your own.

The following questions are helpful:

What am I responsible for in my life?

What responsibility do I take on for others?

How can I continue to take responsibility for my life?

What do I need to leave the responsibility to others?

Effects and Restrictions

Two other aspects are important for being responsible. Thinking about possible effects and knowing about limits.

"In principle, I can do anything!" This sentence often leads to irritation and answers such as "You can't do that," "You can't do that," or "You can't do that." But here, behavior and possible effects mix. Of course, you can do everything, or at least try everything. The only question is: how likely are the effects, and can you live with them?

Looking at the effects separately from behavior increases independent thinking and acting. A so-called eco-check is helpful for this. The aim is to compare the effects of your own actions with the reactions of the environment.

Restrictions are the limits that limit the control and control of life. Knowing your own limits makes it easier to deal with them well and increases acceptance. True to the motto: "What you can't change doesn't have to get you upset." It takes stress to recognize and accept your own restrictions instead of shaking them in vain. The question is: How can I increase my acceptance of disruptive restrictions?

Communication and Loyalty

The bond with other people fundamentally determines human existence. Clear communication within social relationships is accordingly important. Standing up for yourself strengthens personal responsibility and self-esteem.

However, we often feel obliged to other people. Loyalties that have existed for a long time are mostly unconscious and unquestioned. The more consciously we make the patterns and also question them, the sooner we can shape our lives ourselves.

Ask yourself:

To whom or what am I loyal to?

How does that affect my sense of control and control?

Whose "hypnosis" do I live in?

How can I act loyally and independently?